Little Things/Big Prices - Let Go
"Renunciation is not giving up the things of this world, but accepting that they go away." -Suzuki Roshi
Yeah, it's been a lifetime since I posted. Forever since I deleted all the posts, and even longer since I wrote one. At that time, I was going to destroy this blog and create a new one in its' place. I guess I decided that branding is time-consuming and that since everyone already knows where to find me here, I might as well just improve what I already got. Figuratively speaking.
I chopped the shit out of this journal for a couple of reasons. First, big changes worth documenting. I've arrived at sunrise and the view is tremendous. The Western death-sun is firmly behind me, and the last 2+ years of posts dealt mainly with the climb out of addiction which I have, basically, completed. I'm moving East now, into the sun, into rebirth. (India is this way, too, but I'm going to South and Central America first).
I'm at 4 months clean (with 3 months clean prior to the relapse), and 7 months sober. No I'm not out of the woods yet, by any stretch, but I can see the forest for the trees and they are starting to bud-out. The sap is running. The birds are making sweet, sweet love to the bees again. At any rate, I'm tired of writing about recovery from the 'I want/need/see blah blah blah' POV. This is a new plateau. I've peaked, and have witnessed the next mountain to climb. I'm letting go of the shreds of that former life, and all the views, people, and hangups which went with it. Poof, gone. A few tools, which fit into an even smaller pack, will come with. The rest you can have it! I'm not going to continue first-personing the shit out of my old, sad sad story any more. There is a bigger picture, and I fully commit to exposing it. I can't do that from within the shot - I'm holding the lens from now on. (Take that, perceptions! Dhamma-chop!)
Second reason (tied directly to the first, ultimately) is that I'm making a lot of new friends, most of whom are creative beings with missions in life ranging from spreading good vibrations at any cost to simply making life interesting. Why would I sushi a blog for this? Because addiction is ugly, and while the struggle to come out of it might be beautiful, lamenting the path is not - which I had inadvertently been doing a lot of. I intend now to explore said journey with more tasteful and fashionable devices. Nobody wants to read about a guy who did that thing what's been done before, and better, by someone elses. 10 thousand someone elses. You, the people, want color! You demand action! You crave excitement! You want new-ity. You want hilarious and daring. You want hil-dare-iousness! You won't stop to place a nickle in my hat for anything less! You're a cruel and fickle animal, my audience, my love! I'll do better than I had done before or die trying - no, wait - and die trying! I promise that this will have a suitably messy, meaningful, and memorable ending. You people haven't an idea what you're about to witness. Let's proceed!
I'm in Halifax. I'm at two jobs which suit me wonderfully for the next 4-6 weeks, enough time/money to take care of immediate needs before moving on. Soon I will have my beloved drum in my arms (shipped from Alberta) and a wisdom tooth pulled from my head.
I've been grooving in music and writing, walking in the sun and the rain, diving into forests, parks, and dumpsters, ducking into and out of cafes, and I have a choice between two very beautiful, weather appropriate hats to put on my head. I just did laundry today, ate three squares, slept soundly with the woman I love, meditated, sang, listened, and thought. There are children, animals, and delicious chai around just about every corner of my current life.
No, you didn't mis-read that - 'slept soundly with the woman I love'. It's true. I've found the woman of my dreams and we are madly, gladly, and safely in love. We are going West together soon, and then South. Like, not only South, but South. Further South than the burrito, further down than Corona, further out than La Mundo Blanca. More on this delectable adventure as it unfolds.
Tonight I'm locked out of the apartment which I've been staying at - and I'm so glad it happened I can barely contain my self. I'm writing from a cafe at 4 in the morning, on a wi-fi enabled laptop the size of a trade-paperback book; A gift from a benefactor to whom I owe many pounds of flesh. You can have what's left of my organs, any time. (I'll trade you for that boat you said you're gonna get me.)
You know what? I'm not only involved in the happiness trip, I'm saturated in it. My underarm essence has become the perfume of laugh/ha/ha. I'm holding my breath and swimming it. Living it. I'm become it. No, wait! Goddamnit! Unacceptable.
I should know better! There is no 'I' in 'Ahhpeenes', - the Cree word for 'Life is good. Fucking Sweet.' No, no, 'Appeenas' the Hindi word for 'Taste this wonderful deliciousness, Man!' No, wait, 'Japenas' - the Spanish diminutive meaning 'Lick this sticky life before it melts all over your beautiful chest!'
Pretty sure that's what it means. Something like that. Clearly it has something to do with savoring something. It. Life, that is.
There is only happiness. Savor it, laugh, goddamnit!
-Out.
Yeah, it's been a lifetime since I posted. Forever since I deleted all the posts, and even longer since I wrote one. At that time, I was going to destroy this blog and create a new one in its' place. I guess I decided that branding is time-consuming and that since everyone already knows where to find me here, I might as well just improve what I already got. Figuratively speaking.
I chopped the shit out of this journal for a couple of reasons. First, big changes worth documenting. I've arrived at sunrise and the view is tremendous. The Western death-sun is firmly behind me, and the last 2+ years of posts dealt mainly with the climb out of addiction which I have, basically, completed. I'm moving East now, into the sun, into rebirth. (India is this way, too, but I'm going to South and Central America first).
I'm at 4 months clean (with 3 months clean prior to the relapse), and 7 months sober. No I'm not out of the woods yet, by any stretch, but I can see the forest for the trees and they are starting to bud-out. The sap is running. The birds are making sweet, sweet love to the bees again. At any rate, I'm tired of writing about recovery from the 'I want/need/see blah blah blah' POV. This is a new plateau. I've peaked, and have witnessed the next mountain to climb. I'm letting go of the shreds of that former life, and all the views, people, and hangups which went with it. Poof, gone. A few tools, which fit into an even smaller pack, will come with. The rest you can have it! I'm not going to continue first-personing the shit out of my old, sad sad story any more. There is a bigger picture, and I fully commit to exposing it. I can't do that from within the shot - I'm holding the lens from now on. (Take that, perceptions! Dhamma-chop!)
Second reason (tied directly to the first, ultimately) is that I'm making a lot of new friends, most of whom are creative beings with missions in life ranging from spreading good vibrations at any cost to simply making life interesting. Why would I sushi a blog for this? Because addiction is ugly, and while the struggle to come out of it might be beautiful, lamenting the path is not - which I had inadvertently been doing a lot of. I intend now to explore said journey with more tasteful and fashionable devices. Nobody wants to read about a guy who did that thing what's been done before, and better, by someone elses. 10 thousand someone elses. You, the people, want color! You demand action! You crave excitement! You want new-ity. You want hilarious and daring. You want hil-dare-iousness! You won't stop to place a nickle in my hat for anything less! You're a cruel and fickle animal, my audience, my love! I'll do better than I had done before or die trying - no, wait - and die trying! I promise that this will have a suitably messy, meaningful, and memorable ending. You people haven't an idea what you're about to witness. Let's proceed!
I'm in Halifax. I'm at two jobs which suit me wonderfully for the next 4-6 weeks, enough time/money to take care of immediate needs before moving on. Soon I will have my beloved drum in my arms (shipped from Alberta) and a wisdom tooth pulled from my head.
I've been grooving in music and writing, walking in the sun and the rain, diving into forests, parks, and dumpsters, ducking into and out of cafes, and I have a choice between two very beautiful, weather appropriate hats to put on my head. I just did laundry today, ate three squares, slept soundly with the woman I love, meditated, sang, listened, and thought. There are children, animals, and delicious chai around just about every corner of my current life.
No, you didn't mis-read that - 'slept soundly with the woman I love'. It's true. I've found the woman of my dreams and we are madly, gladly, and safely in love. We are going West together soon, and then South. Like, not only South, but South. Further South than the burrito, further down than Corona, further out than La Mundo Blanca. More on this delectable adventure as it unfolds.
Tonight I'm locked out of the apartment which I've been staying at - and I'm so glad it happened I can barely contain my self. I'm writing from a cafe at 4 in the morning, on a wi-fi enabled laptop the size of a trade-paperback book; A gift from a benefactor to whom I owe many pounds of flesh. You can have what's left of my organs, any time. (I'll trade you for that boat you said you're gonna get me.)
You know what? I'm not only involved in the happiness trip, I'm saturated in it. My underarm essence has become the perfume of laugh/ha/ha. I'm holding my breath and swimming it. Living it. I'm become it. No, wait! Goddamnit! Unacceptable.
I should know better! There is no 'I' in 'Ahhpeenes', - the Cree word for 'Life is good. Fucking Sweet.' No, no, 'Appeenas' the Hindi word for 'Taste this wonderful deliciousness, Man!' No, wait, 'Japenas' - the Spanish diminutive meaning 'Lick this sticky life before it melts all over your beautiful chest!'
Pretty sure that's what it means. Something like that. Clearly it has something to do with savoring something. It. Life, that is.
There is only happiness. Savor it, laugh, goddamnit!
-Out.
